April 30th:
Charleston is fantastic! Just got here and love it already. Now this is a
state that knows how to live - beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place! Watched the sunset from Waterfront park lying on a blanket.
It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
May 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 89 today. Not a problem, live in an air conditioned
home, drive an air conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday
like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshiper.
June 5th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and
rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. NO MORE SHOVELING
SNOW EITHER! Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 1st:
The temperature hasn't been below 90 all week, not even at night. Where are
those ocean breezes we heard about, still seems hot. Getting used to it will
take a while, I guess. I sure miss my LP collection, though. I'll have to
remember not to leave anything made out of plastic in my car. Got one of
those fuzzy steering wheel covers. Cheaper than the burn ointment for my
hands. I always wondered what burnt flesh smelled like.
July 15th:
Fell asleep on the beach. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed
two days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though: got to
respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th:
I miss our cat, Tabby. He snuck into the car when I left this morning. By
the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, he'd swollen up to the size of a
shopping bag and just as I opened the door he exploded all over $2,000 worth
of leather upholstery. I told the kids he ran away. The car now smells like
Kibbles and poop. No more pets in this heat!
July 25th:
Ocean breezes, my ass. Hot is hot!! The home air conditioner is on the fritz
and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order
parts. Only hope for a break in the heat would be a hurricane.
July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. Swatting the swamp
mosquitoes that are as big as B-52's. $1,500 in darn house payment and we
can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug.4th
100 degrees today. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $500
and gets the temperature down to about 90. The electric bill is almost as
much as the house payment. And two SUV lady drivers almost ran me off the
road. I hate this state.
Aug 8th:
If another jerk cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to tear his
head off. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over,
my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like roasted Garfield!!
Aug. 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and sunny.
It's been too hot for two #@*& months and the weatherman says it might
REALLY warm up next week. And who came up with the statement "it may
be hot, but at least you don't have to shovel it" should die from heat exhaustion.
Aug. 14th:
Welcome to Hell!!! Temperature got to 102 today. Forgot to crack the
window and blew the windshield out of the Lincoln. The installer came to fix
it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1,500
house payment to bail me out of jail.
Aug. 30th:
Worst day of the summer. I'm not leaving the house. The monsoon rains
finally came and all they did is to make it muggier than hell and drove the
damned roaches out of the ground. I wasn't aware they could fly! The Lincoln
is now floating somewhere in the Atlantic with its new $500 windshield.
That does it, we're moving back to New York where all you have to
worry about is getting mugged, I hope this state breaks in half and floats
down to Georgia!
~Unknown~
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
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