The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

This was Halloween. We had to dress for work. It was fun, but not something I've done before so it was an experience. Then my cousin had a way too cool party. (I don't party) But I went and well let's just say somebody handed me a drink at the door, it was really good, and before I know it I was singing karaoke, something I would NEVER do. *Know I can't carry a tune in a bucket either*  However, I think I want a karaoke machine for Christmas. You know, just to sing when nobody's home. I think I could really torture my dogs and birds this way. There are pictures of me singing but boy, they are embarassing, sorta. Anyway, that's the catchup version of Halloween. You know what they say, the rest is history. Except I have this new nickname from my husband called Karaoke Queen and he doesn't mean it in a good Taylor Swift like way. UGH! What was I thinking??? Oh by the way, that's a dress from the Flapper days of the 20's. It was cute. Too bad it wasn't darling on me, but it worked. The purple wig was salon mandated as something to tie us all together.

Hell I couldn't think of anything to call this entry so I was thinking about three different things that happened today. And it went in exactly the same order. When I arrive at work there's ONE stylist looking like she's been stampeded by a herd and ready to drop. People are EVERYWHERE waiting. Of course, getting upset, they can't get in etc. My shift began at 3:00 but I was there a bit early, then I'm told one woman is waiting on me. She's specififed me? Plus she'd been waiting since 2:00 because my original schedule was 1:20 till 5:00 but since I'm a Night Owl I switched with someone who actually likes getting up during the earlier part of the day. Of course, no one told this poor woman this. But she waited and had come all the way from Carrollton. Anyway she wants.....

ME?

REALLY??

Okay my curiosity is peaked and I find her and she asks, 'Are you Donna?'   I'm gun-shy so I'm kinda like, 'yeeeaaaaahhhh' with a kind of trepidation on my face waiting for an onslaught of anger of something I did.  She starts gushing, 'My daughter was in here the other night and you cut her hair. I want you to cut it just like that. She loves it and so does everyone else. It's just so cute'...etc. and she kept going on.  I did remember her but when she left I thought she was just being nice about liking the cut. It's kind of my own spin on a haircut I'd seen in a book. It looks different on everyone. So to make a long story short, I cut her hair the same way (she was so much like her daughter) and she loved it too. Of course, it looked different than her daughters hair but then again, her hair was different.  I was shocked when she told me she was 80 though, because she didn't look over 65 or 70....tops.  She left a happy camper and so was I. There were others that passed through my chair but I don't have that sharp brain anymore that remembers faces and phone numbers and anything else like I had a photographic memory. Somewhere along the very long years this ability has decided to clearly fade.  And I miss it.

Well, hell.

So that brings us from the Good of the day to the Bad.  A woman comes in with a tiny child, maybe this baby is one or so and wants to know if I'll cut his hair.  Now let me back up and tell you how much kids just hate me. The other stylists can do fairly well with them. At least the kids aren't terrfied of them. Oh sure they'll cry and carry on but it's just not the same with me. I mean, do they look at me and see horns growing out my ears or fire shooting from my eyes?  I don't know how they see me. Maybe I don't want to?  I'm trying, oh and I'm trying sooooo hard to explain to this lady that her kid isn't gonna be happy with me.  "Oh he'll do fine, I just hold him on my lap when 'so and so' does him and he's fairly good." 

Uh.......can you say with me;  famous last words?  Louder.....FAMOUS LAST WORDS!

I persisted in my not-very-successful-way that it just would not happen that way.

Nope. Nada. No Way.

She wanted to try. Well he was all happy sitting in the cart so I suggested I just start trying to cut his hair there. I succeeded with one....just ONE cut along his hairline. THEN he realized I was touching him. And he just went ballistic. Now, these mom's don't seem to understand that these scisscors are like razor blade sharp and I have scars on my hands to prove it. I really, really, did try my best to discourage her by telling her he might get cut or and/or an eye poked out when he started to go all crazy and whatnot. She didn't seem to think he would. Then after the first cut when he SAW me...... That's when the unexplainable horror came over his little tiny cute face.  I sweetly asked mom, 'Should we stop here? And just leave it at that, no charge of course.'  OH. NO. "Let's go on, I'll sit and hold him.'  Oh did I mention she had a friend with her?  So okay, she sits in my chair and holds him face first against her. I start to comb quickly and cut. This kid turned into the Tazmanian Devil. She called her friend in for reinforcements. One held his legs, mom held his face into her chest and I tried to move quickly without cutting him OR me. At one point I didn't hear anything. He wasn't crying and I didn't hear him breathing. You know when a kid is so upset they can't get their breath? I said, 'Uh, he's so upset I don't think he's breathing!'  She blew in his face and said, 'He will, believe me, he's just really upset!'  Well that made two of us. No make that three. Mom was sweating like we were in a sauna. I wasn't exactly calm and serene. She had sweat pouring off her forehead, I think mine was running rivulets down my arm pits, chest and back. But the good news is my make up never got wet and faltered. 

Yea. I can still look good while it sounds like I am poking toothpicks under his nails.

So this poor kid is now giving me the evil eye each time he looks at me, through big elephant tears and screams that were making people at the Wal-Mart checkout stop and look. We got it accomplished, eventually, but he lost his socks in his squirming and I thought he was going to lose his pants while her friend tried to keep hold of him. Gosh where did his strength come from???  It looked pretty good, which is saying a lot because a lot of the time I mostly have to dance around them just grabbing chunks of hair and trying to cut so he actually had a decent cut. I sooo wanted to use clippers, ie., he wouldn't be cut but she thought it might scare him more?? I don't want to see him scared more. But we did have to use the tiny trimming clippers around his ears which sent him into another world.

In the middle of this a man had come in and sat waiting his turn and watched the whole thing. (I wondered if at any minute the man might bolt but he never did)  I tried to talk to the baby to tell him it was over and if looks could kill; well you wouldn't be reading this. This poor kid was terrified of me.  I got a towel and took it to mom and she commented, 'I need some water on it because he has stickiness all over his face (from the lollipop bribes we were giving him)." I told her, 'It's not for him, it's for you to wipe the sweat off your forehead. I don't think you realize how much you have there. I'll get a wet one for him."  She was pale when she left, her friend had his excess clothes he'd squirmed from and I think all of us felt totally depleted. In fact we all remarked about it and she said he'd sleep now for the rest of the night. I just wanted to crumple in a corner like the wicked witch who had a bucket of water thrown on her in The Wizard of Oz and just kind of cave in on myself. Dang I felt drained. If nothing else in his life traumatizes him, he'll have this haircut to refer to. I've just always had that effect on children, except my own, even two of my three grandkids swell up like roosters and start screaming when they see me.

Ah......I guess it's a Goddess given gift, huh? Boy am I proud of THAT one!!!

Okay and now we get to the Ugly. This is probably NOT something I should be talking about here but it's gone too far and now it involves my youngest son. Okay so he's 28 but still......he's my son!

First I have to say:  "I am NOT a Cougar. Nor do I want a BOY TOY.  Why is this so hard to get across to a certain person who is 23 years old and lives with a 44 year old woman? They are happy with their relationship, why drag me into it? But, no it happened.  All I wanted was a rootbeer one day, this has been several months ago. He's a nice kid but then he starts talking about this crap and I told him, 'Look, I'm happily married, I'm not into that, and besides, you have your OLDER woman. Enjoy her."  End of story.

NOT.

So recently, oh about two weeks ago, he sends a 'delicate' text to me.  Well it was appalling actually. Visually appalling to me as I began to picture this awful scene in my head. I sent one back with two words STOP IT! He apologized. Then I deleted all my incoming and outgoing texts. How embarrassing if that should be found, right?  He didn't so the same. A HUGE mistake on his part. But she found it and he apparently woke up to her beating on him wanting to know who I was. He tells her who I am and where I work and 'she's gonna have a talk with me'. She was a nice lady up until then. She looks kinda tough but I thought, well when she approaches me, we'll just talk, I'll explain her moron boyfriend to her.

On Halloween when I went to work she was at the door along with a greeter. She says, 'Are you Donna?' but the greeter was asking me questions about the costume I was wearing, etc. and I was late for work so I nodded my head at her and said, 'I've got to go for now.'  I didn't think anymore about it. By then they had seemed to work it out and were getting engaged. Good for them. However, after seeing me in my costume I think she got mad all over again. Hell I'm a good ten years older than she is. Plus, I'm not into Boy Toys or men who are 5 years younger than my youngest son. That's just, well...ewwwwwwwww.  In fact, I'm not into any men. I am MARRIED. Period. But now she's approached my son and asked, 'Is your mother Donna.' 

Now my son is mentally challenged, slightly. You'd probably never guess it by looking at him. I had heard that my son and this woman had shared breakfast on occasion and I told this young kid NOT to tell her about my son and involve him. But he must have opened his young, stupid mouth..  That's all she said to him. At least that's all my son is saying about it. But now I'm PISSED. You've brought my son into something I'm not even responsible for. The Mother Lioness is emerging.  Even though she will probably never be reading this, know this: I will NOT put up with your jealous crap. I don't want your youngster. Leave my son alone. Don't EVEN think about getting back at me through him. Come talk to me. This isn't high school. I'm not hiding or slinking around because some insane bitch is jealous. I do not want your boyfriend. Your baby boy friend at that. All I want is to be able to go over and buy a drink or a sandwich. I can't help it that he's a moron or thinks with a different part of his body rather than his brain. Come talk to me nicely. I will explain to you how youngsters make big mistakes and he's not thinking with his head. Then I'm going to ask her why she can't find a man her own age?????  Then if it goes further I will contact your employer. I am not playing games.

End of story.

Do Anything But We MUST FIX THE HAIR!

This is me trying to take a picture of myself so you can see my tremendously large awesome earrings. You know the ones I bought after testing because I have an addiction? Yes those. These are the biggest ones I have. No I take that back, I grabbed some others that were so cool, and looked like Indian dream catchers with lots of little beads.

OK. I digress.....

Those were TOO big. They were 6 inches long and at least 3 inches wide. They were so heavy they pulled the earlobe into a slit. Seriously these things were heavy. Not only that, I had to get a little sling thing going on to turn my head so they'd fall over my shoulder. You know, one of those where you kind of fling your head real quick and then the earring is hanging down your back instead of your front. Yes, I said 'down' your back! God, it was ridiculously funny. Much, much too big. But still cool, I just can't wear them. So they'll hang on my earring holder as a reminder at how stupid I can be sometimes. It's just that at the checkout the guy said, 'If you get another pair you can have them a half price!' So I just grabbed those because they had caught my attention. No thought given. None at all. Now these earrings I have on are manageable and lightweight. And not too bad, in my humble opinion.

Enough about earrings. Remember they're my drug so you'll probably be hearing more about them.

You people who can take pictures of yourselves with your digital cameras and make them look good....well you suck. This is one of....oh....I.....don't know....maybe a dozen; trying to get a decent shot so you could see the earrings and I don't really suck too bad at the way I look, so this one got the vote. Maybe I'll get the hang of it.

Today I decided, well yesterday, or maybe the day before, hell I can't remember, anyway I looked in the mirror and all of a sudden there it is staring back at you.....ROOTS!
"Oh shit, I need my hair done and I need it done NOW."

So that's what I did today, went and got the works done. So we had to FIX THE HAIR! AT ALL COSTS YOU MUST FIX THE HAIR! Jodie did a good job.

I actually feel as if I'm making progress here. Of course I haven't started working on cleaning the house the way it should be, at least not yet. I think my self imposed 'relax and de-stress' from school is probably officially over. I really don't have a good excuse to lay around and be useless, the worst is over. The written test will come up next week and I think it will be okay. As they say at school; If you can get through our daily tests: our 210 test, our 300 test, our 540 test and our 700 test and pass, well, you'll pass 110 questions on your theory for boards. Don't sweat it. So you know what, I'm really not. Now watch life throw a wrench in it and for some reason I miss too many because I had several brain farts all in a row. Enough Donna......deep.....deep breaths. The worst is over. CLEAN YOUR HOUSE!

After the hair thing today I stopped by the beauty supply store and bought nail polish and then stopped by the jeweler next door to ask about resizing my mom's rings. I think it will be a bit pricey because I want them to go over my thumb joints then fit fairly snug and since I'm older and those joints are bit larger than they used to be (age sucks) it's gonna cost more....maybe. The Jeweler said he'd have to see them and see what he could come up with. He's terrific and very good at what he does. And it shows by the way he's swamped all the time.

It was such a nice day even though there were blackclouds hanging overhead and up north which looked as if they could turn into tornadoes at any second. Sounds like an oxymoron doesn't it but it was kind of neat. I like storms as long as they don't damage property. So I figured a quick trip to Sonic for a root beer (another vice) and then on home. Most people would hurry home, me, I've got to have a rootbeer at all costs. Once on the highway I had lightening streak from the sky in a straight line and hit the ground right in front of my car just seconds before I drove where it struck. I've never seen anything like it. Straight down, BAM! I bet if the windows were down I could have smelled the ozone in the air. I wondered what would happen if I'd been just a second later and it hit the car or the windshield. Would it strike me dead? Would I be electrocuted? Then I decided with some relief that at least my corpse would have a nice hair do, provided it didn't go up in smoke of course! LOL Okay NOT funny, but hey, we have to laugh at life right? Otherwise I'd be ranting, raving and crying, like I've been doing nearly everyday for the last year after school. Did I mention that I'm thankful God made tranquilizers?

Yes I am.

But wasn't it Confucius that said: The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step? I think it was something like that. Well, that's it for now. I was going to tell you all about my testing experience in more detail. It's actually sort of humorous now that I'm not doing it, but I don't think I'll dwell on it tonight.

"Nothings gonna stop us now"
Jefferson Starship

Donna, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN????

Oh, I've been around. So much was going on and the last thing I wanted to do was blog about it. Seemed like I didn't have much time to waste sitting at the computer and typing! My personal journals even went down the toilet long about, oh, uhm...let's see about April of 2008. That's when I started Beauty School. That's a long story, let's suffice it to say, it's over and done with now and I'm out. Yeah me! On the journal side of things, my kids are probably secretly relieved, this way they won't have so many to deal with when I'm dead. I mean, who wants to read the rantings of a dead woman???

Before that my father in law was sick with cancer, which I've written about and during that time my mom became ill with lung cancer. She didn't last as long as Harold did. She died in November of 2007 and then Harold followed in February of 2008. From those times it was a blur of hard work; cleaning out their homes and disbursing of things or storing, whichever needed to be done. Then selling Harold's house. God, I hate real estate people! Then I went right into school. So I guess you could say we still have all that going through belongings to deal with. Something needs to be done, I can't hardly move through my house, nor my garage.

Two more grandchildren came onto the scene. They're getting bigger. But getting through school was the biggie. It's done, it's over and guess what? I DIDN'T KILL MYSELF! Okay, this is a BIG DEAL, seriously! So half the testing is done. I've only got the written to go. Had the big test Monday, the hands-on one, the one that makes people want to throw up or throw themselves off the top of a building, whichever opportunity presents itself first, or maybe both. I didn't do either one.

Miraculously.

I did drive myself a little bit more insane than I do on a regular basis. It's over. Hope I passed. I'd hate to have to take it again, although if I do, I know more of what to expect. Hopefully next time while demonstrating a haircut the clamp won't come loose, which holds my doll head, and send it rolling across the floor while I stand there stunned with scissors and comb in hand. Yes that DID HAPPEN!

What did I do you ask? I rolled my eyes and calmly retrieved my doll, like it happens all the time, re-clamped her and began cutting again. All I can say is thank God they make tranquilizers!

When it was all over I calmly walked out with my head held high, looking like I knew what I was doing, walked to my car, and called my instructor where I began to fall apart while I retold the entire story to her. Yes, it was the rantings of a mad woman. Of course, she's used to me.

THEN I went and bought earrings. Those always make me feel better. I guess it's turned into my own personal vice. Some people buy heroin, I buy earrings. Doesn't seem odd to me???

After I graduated on April 16th I read the entire Twilight series in about three days. Loved the books. Christine Feehan's novels are far more sexual but the Twilight series are for 12 and up, so no steamy sex, but good anyway.

Now we wait for test results and take another test.