Ebayer's Anonymous?

Help!! Do they have a recovery group for Ebayers? You know, like gamblers anonymous, or alcoholics anonymous? I can see it now: "Hi my name is Donna and I'm an Ebayer." (The people in the group will all nod their heads and mumble, "Hello Donna"....with that knowingness that only others who suffer the same affliction can provide. I will be standing there admitting that yes I did win the crystal parrot brooch that I bid on only to turn around and bid on another cool one I saw. You know you're hooked when you time your watch so you can be sure and rush home to your computer for the final minutes. Hell I even signed up to get a cell phone alert going-3 minutes before closing just in case I couldn't be there. At an additional 25 or 50 cents or more each time they do it. The final phone bill will tell the tale. That appears to be a new addition to the Ebay "experience" as they call it. NEVER have I ever sat breathlessly, continually refreshing the page, counting down the minutes and then seconds to see if the bid I put in at the last minute is going to be outdone. My heart was pounding, my breathing accelerated and my upper lip was perspiring. Notice I said perspiring rather than sweat. Ladies perspire, men sweat. FYI in case you didn't know. Aren't these classic signs of addiction? I understand that casino gamblers can call 1-all-bets-off and they will be banned from gambling in the big casinos. So I have come up with a number 1-800-no2-ebay। That should do it!

Anyway, back to my bid. I'm sitting there counting down the last seconds, in the last minute and finally it states YOU ARE THE WINNING BIDDER! I jumped up from my chair flinging my arms around & yelling "YES! I won!", knocking over my drink in the process (I have to drink out of mugs with lids because I'm such a klutz), then scaring the hell out of my Shih Tzu's with my outburst. Since that is behavior they rarely see they went running in terror from the room. Of course if I don't get that 12 step program for people hopelessly addicted to Ebay I might be scaring them a lot more in the future. Poor little darlings. I found them huddled under the dining room table shaking. I consoled them and explained it was all good news and got them excited and running around barking at me. It became a game then.

It seems that our weather here in Missouri has gone from the 30's & 40's to over 80 degrees today. And add to it the March winds blowing anything and everything into the next state. Forget about fixing your hair and dig out your shorts because this week those coats and boots hanging by the door aren't needed. Next week they might be but today they weren't. We are used to having several seasons of clothing laying out here in Misery..uh..Missouri. Tomorrow promises to be more of the high temperatures and blowing wind. This time I'm taking my mother to the city for a doctors appointment. I'll be transferring her off at my father-in-laws house to my sisters car and she will drive her over into Kansas City while I go back to the nursing home and check on Harold. Driving in the city makes me a total nervous wreck. Totally. People are just crazy when they drive. And most have no patience for people like me who don't know where they are going or are trying to find alternate routes at the last second because of road construction. I understand Missouri has the worst roads in the nation, or so I read somewhere. This does not surprise me. You can immediately tell when you've crossed the line over the Mighty Mo and into Kansas because the roads immediately turn smooth like you're riding on glass. Sometimes I just feel like Alice in Wonderland here. I won't even touch that area right now. Maybe another post.

Driving in the wind doesn't make it pleasant either. I have been stopped on windy days for suspicion of drunk driving. Seriously! I was in another vehicle that handled differently. I think the trooper thought I was weird, but he's not the first and won't be the last. I'll have to remember not to let anything else blow out of the car that I might have to chase across the parking lot again like my last visit to the Home/Prison. This time I'm not taking anything for Harold other than some new jogging suits, clean laundry and his beloved milk shake that he has made me promise to bring each time I visit. I guess nursing home food leaves a lot to be desired as does anything else in one.

Now that I think about it, I am going to have a load again. Maybe I need one of those wire baskets on wheels older people use. I mean, why not? Mom gave me her old walker, as she got a new one. She explained that "you never know when it might come in handy." I started to laugh at her and tell her, "I'm young! I don't need no stinking walker!" But then I remembered the times I've been laid up unable to walk, from back pain, only to use the furniture as a crutch or a stick or umbrella. Jeez age sneaks up on us! So maybe a wire basket on wheels is a good idea after all. I suppose in ten years or less I'll be driving a motorized scooter around town.

God just shoot me now.

More later.......

The Birthday Girl..uh...Woman...uh...Matron? Oh hell it's my birthday!

Well yesterday was my birthday and I guess it turned out to be pretty good after all. Usually it just goes by with a dinner later in the evening where I end up getting sick or something. I don't think we bothered with dinner last year.

I started celebrating at 4:55 a.m. this morning, when I was born, by going to Ebay and making a bid on some jewelry. I wasn't going to bid on anything. I was just going to go and see what certain types of collector items sold for. But somehow I found my way to the jewelry (my computer just did it on it's own it knows me so well) and saw a couple of pieces that I really, really wanted. I have an addictive personality and Ebay can be sooo addictive. Before I knew it I had bid on two different items. They really were a good deal. I swear. Do I need more jewelry? No I don't. Will I stop buying it for the remainder of my life? Probably not. Jewelry that sparkles is what catches my eye. Stand me in front of anything that sparkles in the jewelry aisle and I'll still be there 30 minutes later. Do I really have anywhere to wear jewelry that looks like it's for a prom or wedding? No, but that doesn't stop me from buying it. So before I knew it, I had bid.

I worked on a school paper for awhile and then went to bed. And when I got up it was sunny; so I took Maggie & Toby for a ride in the car. I reminded myself of my dad who used to say, "Donna, let's get in the car and go for a spin. See what's going on in the community." At which point, I'd drive and he'd direct me. We drove all over looking at the 'progress' the community was making. So I decided to drive out to where the new womens prison is being built. It's a big project that isn't scheduled to be done until sometime in 2008. They just recently started it, a few months ago I think. Of course, out and about with nothing to do calls for a stop at Sonic. 'Your ultimate drink stop!', as their slogan goes. Maggie loves to hang out the window while I order and wait for the car hop to bring whatever I've decided to get. She's always happy to see them, but they aren't always happy to see her. It's usually the younger kids who don't pay attention to her even though she's wagging her tail and trying everything to get their attention. The older ladies ooh and ahh over her, which is the highlight of her day. She also looks forward to going to the pharmacy to pick up prescriptions too. We have a drive-thru window at our local pharmacy and she likes it because they give her and Toby treats. Her favorite are 'chicken grillers' from Wal-Mart.

Tonight Dwight and I went out for dinner. I decided to branch out from my everyday routine, or I should say yearly routine of going to the same restaurant for a birthday dinner. We have a new barbeque restaurant in town. We ordered an appetizer of something they called Onion Strings, which were onion rings that weren't rings but strings. Duh. Anyway our jaws went slack when the plate came. It was more like a turkey platter heaped high with these stringy things. It was stacked so high and so large that I looked at those greasy things and said, "Oh my God. That's a heart attack on a plate!" I love onion rings..or strings, whatever, but I blotted one of those on a napkin, practically filling the paper with grease and then ate it. I imagined the cholesterol surging through my body jamming up my main arteries as I ate. Somehow it took all the pleasure out of eating one. I told my husband if he ate all of those we'd be burying him next month or sooner. We asked for a large styrofoam box and crammed only half the platters contents in, there were so many. We'll never open that box again, it will become a science project in our fridge but you feel like since you paid $6 for it you really SHOULD take it home.

Next on the list were ribs for both of us. The meat was very tender and fell right from the bone but they were drenched in sauce that was so spicy to me it burned my lips and I couldn't eat them. I didn't think to order it on the side. So once again something went wrong at my birthday dinner. Each time we've gone for the last several years, something has happened, either with the food or with me. I guess I should stop going out to eat to celebrate. Maybe a nice trip to the movie theater next time.

All of my kids actually remembered my birthday this year. Even my youngest son who doesn't really keep up on that stuff. Except that his birthday is exactly two weeks to the day from mine. Anyhow, he calls me on his break from work to wish me a happy birthday. I told him I was 51 this year. There was this deafening silence on the end of the line and he said, 'Wow, fifty one?" with this tone of complete amazement mixed with an 'you're that old' type of response. "Wow, if you're that old, how old is dad?" I was caught off guard by this response and then I had to remember that when I was his age I thought I'd be dead by the time I was 30 because that was old!

Kids.....you gotta love 'em or you'd kill them on the spot.